James 4:1-3
ESV
[4:1] What causes quarrels and
what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war
within you? [2] You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and
cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not
ask. [3] You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it
on your passions.
In most
cases, what causes angry exchanges in a marriage is when a husband appears
careless, depriving his wife of love, and when the wife reacts with criticism
and complaints that are vehement, depriving the husband of respect.
Every
marriage couple has versions and stories of their own “Crazy Cycle”.
The stories
of where the husband is unloving, insensitive, unkind, and uncompassionate and
where the wife is critical, cynical and “nagging” are a dime a dozen.
So many
people are on this crazy cycle that in 2010 five out of every ten marriages are
ending in divorce. Unfortunately, we in the church are not immune from this
craziness either.
This crazy
cycle in our marriages is like someone coming into a room, flipping the light
switch, and discovering the lights won’t come on. If someone tries the switch
two or three times with no results, you can understand. He will eventually
figure it out – it’s a tripped breaker, a burned our bulb perhaps or a faulty
switch. But if the person stands there and flips the switch constantly for half
an hour, you begin to wonder, “Is this guy a little crazy or what!?”
Runaway
divorce statistics reveal that “insanity is in their hearts” (Ecclesiastes 9:3).
The point I
am trying to make here is simple: The definition of insanity and craziness is
doing the same thing over and over with the same effect while expecting somehow
to get different results.
Marriage
seems to be a fertile ground for this kind of craziness.
Ironically,
there are more books being published on marriage today than ever before. There
are books on marital communication, money management, sex, etc. There are even
books on how to become a better husband (or wife) in thirty days.
But with all
our knowledge, the craziness and insanity continues. And it doesn’t seem to
matter if the couples are Christians or unbelievers, in the church or out of
the church.
Why is this?
I have
concluded that those of us in the church, who believe we have the Truth, are
not using the whole truth all of the time. A crucial part of God’s Word has
been completely ignored or perhaps simply gone unnoticed when it has been there
all the time right under our noses.
Many
Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The
apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love
themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really
listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and
wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says.
